This quote I live by. If You Don’t Quit You Win !! I heard this from a man who shared his story with many like myself. No matter how hard life gets and how dark the times may seem I will never give up. I have been through many dark times in my life some really recently. When you think things can’t get any darker or scarier they somehow do. The trauma we have experienced in our lives is so debilitating that at times we can barely function and if we barely function its because our brain departmentalises things so we go into work mode for instance so for that time I’m at work each day 4 hours and because my job is full steam ahead I don’t have time to think of anything else. Sometimes that can be a good thing sometimes not so good. When we have had to live with trauma for many many years it has distorted our thinking we have been forced to live in survival mode our body has developed intense responses to danger we either Fight or Flight or Freeze. The Fight response to danger affects the physiological responses in the body, heart beating faster, feeling tense, anxious, sweating, can’t sit still. always on alert. For many of us this is just part of our normal lives we don’t know any different. The sad and unfortunate reality is that we have been conditioned to live our lives this way through experiences and circumstances out of our control. It is not through anything we have done the majority of people who have lived like this for many years have been exposed to traumatic circumstances through our childhood and much has been inflicted upon us by those adults who should have been there to love and care for us and not hurt and treat us poorly. Sadly there are many children and adults who go through life and think the way they have been treated is because they have done something wrong and think they deserve being mistreated.
They Mustn’t Love me because I’m naughty
Sadly these are the thoughts that go through many children’s heads as they try to sleep at night. I know from my own experiences as a child that I lived through sexual, physical, emotional abuse, that I grew up thinking I was a bad child. I thought that that was the reason that I was treated so badly. I grew up trying to please the adults that were hurting me. I thought that if I did what they wanted they would stop doing the horrifically unspeakable things to me. But no matter how hard I tried nothing was ever good enough for them and the abuse just went on and on every night and day. There were many nights I would cry myself to sleep and pray I wouldn’t wake up the next day. Obviously my prayer was never answered otherwise I wouldn’t be here writing this. There are still nights that I go to sleep ( I don’t really sleep) and still feel that way. Life would be easier if the pain was gone. I have many dark times and I know they may never truely end until my life on Earth comes to an end. But I do know I have a purpose to work towards which is to become the best counsellor I can be to help others like myself to move beyond the traumatic life they have known to an amazing life of freedom. As I write those words “life of freedom” that seems so surreal beyond reach even. But I also know people who do actually live a life without the pain and torment that trauma brings so it is actually possible. I .am here to tell you that ……………
I HAVE TO HURT MYSELF BECAUSE I’M NAUGHTY
Imagine being in the body and mind of a little person and somewhere along the lines they have been told they are bad and naughty. So in the mind of the little person they think they are a bad person and have to be punished. I have known a little person who got told they were bad from someone and some how got a knife and started hurting themselves because they thought they were bad and naughty. Can you imagine the pain and trauma that little person is feeling to come to the point where they think they deserve to be harmed. There are too many children and adults who go through life thinking like that and its not good enough. We as human beings have a responsibility for those we care for whether is our children at home or in educational setting or residential care settings. A lot of people in our care have come from a place of trauma it is our job to show them that they are loved and supported and that life can be filled with fun and happiness that trauma isn’t a normal part of life.
YOU ARE ENOUGH
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JD"S Mental Health Story of Recovery 